Utah Census Form

I got this one in an email from my second mom, Sharon.

I don't live in Utah, but a lot of these things still apply to me.

For my non LDS readers, please recognize this as one of the ways we Mormons laugh at ourselves.

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Utah Census Form

1._____________________ _____________________

(GIVEN NAME) (SURNAME)

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2. Descendant of:

A. Brigham Young _____

B. Heber C. Kimball _____

C. Laman and Lemuel _____

D. Cain _____

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3. Tribe of Israel : _____________________

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4. Number of occupants residing in home in each category: (List in chronological order)

A. Nursery _____

B. Junior Primary _____

C. Senior Primary _____

D. Young Women's _____

E. Young Men's _____

F. Relief Society _____

G. Elder _____

H. Dearly Departed _____

I. High Priest _____

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5. Occupation [Please select all that apply]:

A. doTerra consultant _____

B. Shaklee dealer _____

C. Noni juice dealer _____

D. NuSkin dealer _____

E. Melaleuca dealer _____

F. Neways dealer _______

G. Xango dealer _______

H. Amway dealer _____

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6. Automobile:

A. Station Wagon _____

B. Van _____

C. Suburban _____

D. School Bus _____

E. Double Decker _____

F. BMW (Big Mormon Wagon) ________

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7. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:

A. Chuck-A-Rama _____

B. Hometown Buffet _____

C. Golden Corral _____

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8. Favorite Hero:

A. Nephi _____

B. Abinadi _____

C. Samuel the Lamanite_____

D. Steve Young _____

E. Johnny Lingo _____

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9. Which of the following do you bring to church [check all that apply]:

A. Scriptures _____

B. Franklin Planner/ Daytimer _____

C. Pen/Pencil _____ D. Lifesavers/ Cheerios _____

E. Tic Tacs _____

F. Game Boy _____

G. Big Gulp _____

H. iPod _____

I. Sony Walkman _____

J. TV Watch _____

K. All of the above _____

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10. Do you prepare your church lessons:

A. A month in advance _____

B. A week in advance _____

C. While in the bathtub _____

D. While on the toilet _____

E. During Sacrament Meeting _____

F. During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting______

G. During the opening prayer of the class you're teaching _____

H. Just wing it [according to the promptings of the Spirit] _____

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11. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with Big Gulp holders:

A. yes___

B. no ___ 1

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2. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:

A. 10-20 years _____

B. 20-30 years _____

C. 30-40 years _____

D. Over 3 generations ____

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13. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk:

A. 1/100,000,000th of a second _____

B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____

C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____

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14. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:

A. 31st ______

B. 31st ______

C. 31st ______

D. 31st ______

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15. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:

A. 1-10 _____

B. 10-20 _____

C. 20-30 _____

D. You'll have to ask my lawyer _____

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16.. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:

A. Arguing about getting along

B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner

C. Gathering around the television to watch, "Everybody Loves Raymond"

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17. How many times a year do you make:

A. Green Jell-O salad _____

B. Funeral potatoes _____

C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____

D. Chicken, cashews and grape- stuffed croissants_____

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18. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:

A. 1-2 thousand _____

B. 2-3 thousand _____

C. 3-4 thousand _____

D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____

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19. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:

A. Alcatraz

B. Fort Knox

C. Ward Libraries

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20. How many structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the Pinewood Derby: _________

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21. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:

A. Chocolate: ___pounds daily X 365 days annually= ____

B. Cola: ____gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____

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22. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose?

A. Second Coming _____

B. Football game _____

AMEN

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I would like to state for the record that I have never taken a big gulp to church or made a cabbage and top ramen salad.

But I have been living outside of Utah for almost 5 years now, so maybe the most severe symptoms are wearing off?

Admit it, you'd go to the football game, wouldn't you?