Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

  1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. �
  2. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. �
  3. Life is sexually transmitted. �
  4. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. �
  5. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.�
  6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.. �
  7. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? �
  8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. �
  9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. �
  10. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. �
  11. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? �
  12. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'�
  13. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? �
  14. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?�
  15. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? �
  16. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? �
  17. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? �
  18. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? �
  19. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?�
  20. Do you ever wonder why you bother to read my blog?

6 comments:

Tom and Lillie Wilkinson said...

nope, I never have had to wonder that. Thanks for the pick-me-up. -- Drew

Tom and Lillie Wilkinson said...

I have had and heard some of these thoughts before, but No, I never have wondered why I read your blog, its for the deeply insightful and sometimes incredibly humorous thoughts that you share with us.
Lillian

Victoria said...

I LOVE these, Della... :) Life is weird, isn't it?

Chet and Liz Hugo said...

Nope, never wondered.--Liz

The family said...

I love them! I haven't wondered about most of them but now I will . . .

Living on the Spit said...

Man...now I am going to be up ALL night...

Great post.