Wisdom of Larrry the Cable Guy

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

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2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

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3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

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4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

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5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

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6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

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7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

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8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

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9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

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10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

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12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

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13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

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14. OK, so w hat's the speed of dark?

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15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

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17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

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18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

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19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

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20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

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21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the hell happened?'

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22. Just remember -- if the world didn' t suck, we would all fall off.

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23. Light travels faster than sound.. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

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