My Talk on Family Traditions, Sunday Post

I got to speak in church today.

For some reason I can't explain, I actually like doing this.

I won't post my entire talk for you. If you weren't in my sacrament meeting today you just missed out.

But I will share the story I told at the beginning and the point that went with it.

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What I said:

"I would like to start by relating to you a story about Thanksgiving told by my friend Larry, as it was told to him by his grandfather. I should probably mention that his grandfather was usually intoxicated when he told this story.

Many years ago, Christopher Columbus and his pilgrim buddies came to America to live because the English King wouldn’t let the Jewish people go.

So Moses, who was a friend of Christopher Columbus, rented 3 boats called the Mayflower, the Santa Maria and the USS Enterprise.

When they landed on America an Indian squaw named Sacajuwea met them and traded them pelts for beads. Then she showed them how to degut a rabbit.

The head pilgrim then baptized all the Indians to be Christians and they shot turkeys and played horseshoes.

It was General Custer’s birthday and 3 oriental kings showed up with presents of Myhrr and other crap.

Many pilgrims didn’t survive the first winter, because Jimmy Carter, who was president of the pilgrims had an oil embargo.

Sacajuwea and her Indian friends burned buffalo turds and heated the camp. The pilgrims were thankful, however, it smelled so bad that animals came out of the forest two by two.

The Lord then made a rainbow appear to let the people know that he would never make turds burn again and cause a horrible smell.

All the pilgrims were happy they were away from the king and safe in a new land.

And to beat that they all landed right on that first Thanksgiving.

Charlton Heston was then elected president.

The reason I told you this story, besides getting your attention, is to make the point that, as with Larry and his Grandpa, when the traditions of the fathers are incorrect, even if they are based in truth and carried on with the best intentions, the traditions of the children are likely to be incorrect as well."

Chris warned me that anyone who mentions buffalo turds twice in their sacrament talk has it coming, but it went well.

I think the rest of the talk went pretty well too.

Oh, by the way, my friend Larry who tells this story is a cable technician by trade.

(Git 'r done).