Anyone who knows me well knows that my favorite poet/ author is Shel Siverstein. When my brother Mike was here last week we talked about Shel Silverstein and Mike reminded me of one of his books that I had read once but never owned. It was called "Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book".
Well, today I got an anonymous package in the mail that contained "Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book". I can only assume I owe a thank you to Mike, (Thanks Mike).
You might think from the name of this book and from Mr. Silverstein's reputation that this would be a children's book. However, I would advise against letting your children read it. For one thing, the alphabet as he teaches it is somewhat out of order. For another, it gives children ideas that good parents might not want their children to have. However, adults who appreciate somewhat twisted humor (like myself) might get a good laugh from it.
Here are a few of my favorite pages:
D is for Daddy.
See Daddy sleeping on the couch.
See Daddy's hair. Daddy needs a haircut.
Poor Daddy. Daddy has no money for a haircut.
Daddy spends all his money to buy you toys and oatmeal.
Poor Daddy. Daddy can not have a haircut.
Poor poor Daddy.
See the scissors...
Poor poor poor poor Daddy.
L is for Lollipop
L is also for Lye
Do you want a nice red lollipop?
Go pour all the lye into the toilet.
Now tell Mommy you have eaten the lye.
(That is a fib or a little white lye).
Mommy will take you to the doctor in a taxi cab.
After the doctor pumps out your stomach,
he wil give you a nice red lollipop.
O (which in this book comes after L) is for Oz
Do you want to visit the wonderful far-off land of Oz where the wizard lives and scarecrows can dance and the road is made of yellow bricks and everything is emerald green?
Well, you can't because there is no land of Oz and there is no tin woodsman and there is no Santa Claus!
Maybe some day you can go to Detroit.
X is for xylophone because X is always for xylophone.