A few one liners I found today:
-On the keyboard of life always keep a finger on the escape key.
-A picture is worth a 1000 words, but try saying that with a picture.
-If you don't have someone tracking you down, you haven't exhausted your credit options.
-Did you hear abour the duck who went into the drugstore? He told the pharmacist, "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."
-People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcylcle gangs.